NATSU

New Rule: If the doctor makes you take off your clothes, he has to provide somewhere to put your clothes. It’s bad enough I have to sit in the cold exam room wearing a paper dress; I also have to cradle all my clothes in my arms like I’m boarding Auschwitz. You’ve got a million dollars’ worth of equipment in there, Doc- how about a hook on the wall. Yes, I could pile my clothes on top of the hazardous-waste container, or the table where dozens of men get their prostate exams every day, but on second thought…I’ll just hold them.

Couples who make out in public must bring a bucket along for me to throw up in. I didn’t come all the way to Applebee’s to be sickened by your dry humping. I came all the way to Applebee’s to be sickened by the food.

New rule: Now that it’s been declared unconstitutional, we must change the name of National Day of Prayer to the National when you wish upon a Star Day. Seriously, what’s the difference? You know, other than that stars are real.